Tag Archives: motherhood

Motherhood: Expect the Unexpected & a blog hop

I am participating once again in the blog hop hosted by Mardra Sikora, a local Downs Syndrome advocate and I love her blog! You can read her original post for this blog hop here.

When posed with the question of “When was the unexpected better than what you expected?” the obvious answer for me was Motherhood. It is full of the unexpected!

Becoming a parent

Strange how I can barely imagine what my life was like before having children. I mean we went to movies a lot more and stayed up later, but other than that I really can’t remember how our lives were different. I’d like to think it’s because having children makes everything more colorful, fun, tiring, difficult, and fulfilling. The most overwhelming emotion I had after having my first child, was right after we got home from the hospital. The hubby had to run to the store for diapers or something and I had a complete breakdown because the realization that I was responsible for this little life suddenly overwhelmed me. I didn’t have the doctor, nurses, and lactation consultant telling me what to do anymore. I read all the books, but none of them prepared me for that.

Will I be like my parents? 

We all have something our parents did or said that we HATE. I remember quite frequently as a child thinking “I’m never going to do that to my kids!” I did not want to be like my parents in any way. Yet I hear my mother’s voice (and even my grandmother’s) especially when I’m disciplining my children. Yep, I think it’s inevitable. You will in some way, big or small, do something that you suddenly realize your parents did or said to you.

Listening to your intuition

I’ve always followed my intuition, gut feeling, letting your guardian angels guide you, or whatever you want to call it. I can’t tell you how many times it has led me correctly but I can say how many times it’s failed. NONE. The biggest example of this that comes to mind for me was when my son was 4, we were baking Grandma’s chocolate chip cookies for Christmas. I was adding the walnuts into the dough when he asked me if he could try a nut. I don’t know why but I knew I needed to watch him. He had never liked peanut butter and really had never eaten any nuts before. Not two minutes later, he was coughing and trying to clear his throat and we were loading into the car to drive to the Urgent Care right down the street. By the time we got there, his airway was closing, he was slobbering uncontrollably and had hives all over his face and neck. Through testing, we later found out that he is allergic to peanuts and tree nuts and needed to carry Epi-Pens with him at all times.

Always expect the unexpected

One thing about parenthood in general is that it never goes as expected. You can pack and plan ahead as much as you want but these little beings have minds of their own. And for this control freak, it drives me insane! Case in point: A week ago today, we went to visit my grandparents. We typically visit every week. They are young grandparents and I am lucky that I get to enjoy them and that my children get to enjoy them too. In fact, my 5-year-old son spends the night with them most Friday nights. We had no sooner arrived, I lay my purse and my son’s overnight bag at the top of the stairs and stepped into the kitchen to answer the phone since neither of my grandparents were nearby. When I handed the phone over to Grandma, I absentmindedly sat down to rest for a minute. Mom Fail #1. That minute was all it took. Around the corner of the kitchen, my son had grabbed his overnight bag to look to see which movies I had packed for him this time. I had forgotten to pack some and he let me know how displeased he was. Mom Fail #2. Did I think at that point about those darned Epi-Pens? Nope. That phone call was all it took to distract me from my normal routine of pulling them out and setting them up on the counter out of reach of little hands. Mom Fail #3. Next thing I know, my son is screaming and I see one of the Epi-Pens laying next to him on the floor as I round the corner. He had tried to inject himself after watching me train every babysitter he’s had over the past year-and-a-half with the training device. He said he thought he was playing with the training device. After a call to 911, one county sheriff, 5 paramedics and firefighters, the garbage man and several neighbors came to visit, it was determined that he had not actually self-administered any of the epinephrine and was fine. I still can’t help being scared out of mind at how smart and observant he is and actually a little proud that he knew (in theory anyway) how to inject himself. Mom Fail #4? You decide.

Failure happens on a daily basis

I fail everyday. I am tired. I yell. I spank. I don’t do enough “fun” stuff. I don’t plan educational activities for the kids as often as I should. I threaten and I don’t follow through with the consequences of those threats. I give too many chances. My house is a mess. We don’t get out of the house enough. I don’t always feed them the most nutritionally sound meals. I let my kids drink juice and eat candy. We watch too much TV. We don’t always get outside to play 60 minutes a day. I don’t get down on the floor to play with the kids enough. We don’t sing enough songs. We don’t read enough books. There just don’t seem to be enough hours in the day.

When you dream about becoming a parent, you certainly don’t think about how all of your shortcomings can be amplified. I am impatient, a perfectionist, a control freak, independent and I’m an introvert. Those qualities don’t always lend themselves to parenting very well. In fact, they set me up for failure. I think about the daycare my little guy attended and the big personalities the daycare teachers have and how much I am not like them. I am not cut out for this is a thought that runs through my mind a lot. But it’s in my worst moments and I remind myself that this is what I want and that I don’t want other people raising my children. I mean we are at home all day long. How can I expect my house to be spotless at all times? How can I expect my kids every time to pick up the first time they are asked to? How can I expect that when I need some quiet time, the kids will understand and sit and play quietly for Mommy? It’s best not to. Then when the unexpected does happen, you praise, praise, praise and be thankful that today something great happened.

The little things

What do I do right then, you ask? I love my children. At the end of the day, it’s one thing I know I do right. I kiss their ouchies. I love them up when their feelings are hurt and when they fight with each other. We cuddle. We take naps together now that I’m super pregnant and exhausted. I pay them compliments every day. We laugh every day. My kids have amazing little senses of humor. We have tickle fights. We color and do a lot of art projects (selfish and easy because I love art). I tell them I love them every day. And every day there is something amazing that happens. Yesterday, it was my 2-1/2 year old daughter singing Let It Go into her microphone when she thought no one was looking. It was a very passionate and compelling performance. She was stomping her feet and throwing her hands up in the air and I knew that if I laughed, clapped, or moved to grab my phone to record it, the moment would be gone faster than it came. So I just sat there, watched and hoped it would last as long as possible and be etched in my memory forever. It’s all about the immeasurables, I’ve discovered. The things that you can’t quantify are what make me happy at the end of every day. And I hope that those things are the things that they remember when they look back on their childhood.

The amount of love you can hold in your heart

I’ll keep this last one short. The most unexpected part for me of becoming a parent is the amount of love I’ve discovered I can hold in my heart for my children. I remember being pregnant with my 2nd child and thinking “How can I possibly love another baby as much as I love my little guy?” (a common thought of first-time parents, I know) I expressed this fear to a friend and their answer was simply “You don’t have to split the love for your children in two, your heart just grows twice as big.” How true that was!

Motherhood is full of the unexpected. And it is so much better than I ever expected it to be. I hope you enjoy my post today and hopefully next week I’ll be sharing with you a post about the arrival of baby #3. 😀 

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So when was the unexpected better than the expected for you? Share in the comments below or join our blog hop!

 

 

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Happy Mother’s Day from a fat, frumpy, tired, pregnant mom

This post is just a little different from my typical crochet patterns. I hope to share more of my ramblings with you about motherhood, some of my other interests and hobbies, or whatever random thoughts are running through my head.

Please don't touch my belly

Click here to see which state has outlawed touching a pregnant woman’s belly

I am now waddling, my belly hangs out of the bottom of most of my maternity shirts, I get winded walking pretty much anywhere, and I make funny noises doing even the simplest of tasks (which seems to provide my husband and kids with endless entertainment). At this point, I am questioning everything. What was I thinking 9 months ago when we were trying to conceive? I mean, we already have 2 healthy children. Why did I do this to my body again? I work so hard to be healthy and I’ll be starting all over again. Why am I going to give up pretty much all social interaction to nurse for at least a year again? I typically don’t drink (but I would give anything for one of those new Bud Light Raz-berr-itas) and being a stay-at-home mom, I don’t get much social interaction as it is – with anyone over the age of 5 anyway.

But I feel life moving inside me and there is truly nothing like it. Every kick, punch and hiccup reminds me of the miracle of life and how much I’ve wanted this child since before she was conceived. This may be my third pregnancy, but it has also been the hardest. I had morning sickness 24/7 for the first 21 weeks, and still do at times; I have sciatic nerve pain and severe hip pain (among some of the other more gross and disgusting side-effects of pregnancy) and we just found out that baby is breach; which more than likely means a c-section and adds the fear of the unknown for me since my first two came naturally. And someday, I’m sure that I’ll say that it all was worth it. 🙂

Have I mentioned that this is #3 for me? One of the most surprising things about this third pregnancy has got to be the comments I get from total strangers. And sometimes even from family and friends. And apparently, to most people it is completely unacceptable to have more than 2 children.

 

Please go on...

Click here for more funny pregnancy memes

Here are some of my favorite things that people have said to me (and a few that my friends have added as well):

You know how “that” happens, don’t you? Ummm, obviously, I do. In my case, there’s evidence I’ve done “that” 3 times.

Was it planned/was it an accident? None of your business. You have no idea if I have been struggling for months or years with fertility issues or if I’m one of those women who gets pregnant just by my husband looking at me. Did your parents plan to have you or were you and your lack of filter an accident?

Are you on birth control? Again, none of your business. Even if I was, it obviously failed. Your blatant disregard for a perfect stranger’s feelings (and if this is how you talk to a stranger, how do you treat the people who know you?) is a total turn-off. You and your mouth are your own brand of birth control.

Are you Catholic/religious? I guess what you are saying is that non-religious folk are the only ones having 2 or less children??? I don’t think so. Also, I’ll light a candle and say a prayer for you at mass on Sunday.

So are you done now? or Which one of you will get “fixed” now? Wow. Seriously. I am not a dog in heat who had too many runts die in my last litter and need my insides torn out. My husband is not a feral stray impregnating the neighborhood with mutts and I’ve taken to the humane society to have his manhood cut off. But I am considering doing one or the other to you right now.

So were you trying for a girl/boy? (From a friend with 2 boys already, a friend with 5 boys already, and a friend with 5 girls already) And here we are again. None. Of. Your. Business. This is almost as bad for me as the birth control question. And actually, I was just hoping for another healthy baby.

You’re gonna have your hands full! Technically, they already are. I have two hands and two children. But my go-to response to this one is simply that my hands will never be as full as my heart. I know, I just made you gag. Sappy responses usually tend to end the conversation. Have a nice day!

I must add that looking back on my 2nd pregnancy, when people would ask me if I had any other children (yes, a boy) and if I knew what I was having (yes, a girl) people would say “Well, that’s nice that you’ll have one of each.” Hindsight being 20/20, I now realize that what they were really saying was “Now you can stop having children since you’ve had one of each.”

Other things we preggers don’t like whether it’s our first or fourteenth pregnancy:

bad idea, stranger

Click here for more funny pregnancy memes

Rubbing our bellies. It’s not a magic lamp, no genie will magically appear, and you will not get three wishes. Unless one of those wishes is to get punched in the nose.

Saying we look tired. That may be what you say, but what you really mean is that I look like s***. You’re not supposed to let on that it doesn’t look like I’m wearing clean clothes, that I probably didn’t shower this morning because I needed an extra hour of sleep, or that there is a strange smell wafting off of my ever-perspiring body.

One does not simply

Click here for more funny pregnancy memes

Saying “Wow, you’ve gotten big” or “Wow, you’ve dropped” What was your first clue, genius? Is it the waddle? Was it the fact that I no longer can fit through a doorway frontways or sideways? Yes, I realize that you are probably only referring to my baby bump but my raging pregnancy hormones are telling me that you’ve noticed that my breasts and butt have also doubled in size, my arms now wave even when my hands have stopped, and the cellulite that’s collected on my thighs is probably stretching my maternity pants to their limits. (And I did split a pair of my maternity pants on Palm Sunday which erupted into a hulk-like level-5 pregnancy meltdown that lasted an hour; full of hysterical crying, incomprehensible babbling, throwing things, tearing the closet apart and ended in no one going to church. But how could you know any of that?)

Saying we can’t/shouldn’t do something. Please don’t tell me what I can and can not do. Maybe you weren’t able to or just didn’t want to when you were pregnant. I can lift that large package; I lift my son and daughter on a daily basis. I can help set up and tear down tables for the fair; I work out regularly (and may I add the person who said that to me fell and broke her arm doing exactly what she told me not to do). I can handle taking my kids for walks. And please let me be the judge of when I need to relax and just rest.

Now, I used to believe that it was simple ignorance on the parts of these people for saying these things but now that I’ve experienced it first-hand, I’m not so certain. I mean, haven’t they all been through this and had similar experiences? I’m now of the opinion that these nasty old biddies believe that it is their right to say these things. And maybe I should feel sorry for them. They obviously are miserable if they need to pick on a pregnant woman. Or maybe they really don’t see what is so wrong with what they are saying. Again ignorance. Or maybe I’m just hormonal and sensitive. The answer is probably D) All of the above.

While I have experienced a lot of negative comments about being pregnant with baby #3, there are also the people who say things that absolutely make your day. Most are deeply personal memories to me as well.

And here are some of the lovely things that have been said to me (and the stuff we pregnant ladies love to hear):

We look radiant or have “the glow.” Even if it’s not true, this should be your go-to compliment to a pregnant woman. Sometimes we feel absolutely beautiful while pregnant and sometimes we don’t. I haven’t at all this time around if I’m being honest. But I did with my first two and there is nothing like feeling and seeing “the glow” for yourself in the mirror.

Pregnancy looks good on us or we wear pregnancy well. That’s really sweet. Bless your heart. I know you’re probably lying but that’s ok. This is similar to “the glow.” And I’ll take it whether you mean it or not!

funny-pregnancy-3

Click here for more funny pregnancy photos

We look like we just stuffed a basketball in our shirt or that we are carrying all out front. Thank you! As mentioned earlier, my butt, breasts, arms and thighs seem to have taken on a life and caloric intake of their own. So I truly thank you for only talking about the most obvious place (and safest option to discuss) that my body has changed. Because for real, the only thing that runs through my head is the endless soundbite of “That’s a huge bitch” in the movie Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo.

How well behaved our children are. If you really want to flatter a mother, praising her children and/or her ability to raise them is pure gold. I may not get a ton right in this crazy world of motherhood, but my kids do say “Please” “Thank you,” and “Excuse me.” Thank you for noticing that I’ve gotten that part right at least. And that there’s still hope for this one.

Whether a wonderful and easy pregnancy or a difficult and complicated one, all women deserve the respect and acknowledgement of what they sacrifice to bring life into this world. So this Sunday, tell a pregnant woman how beautiful she is and to have a Happy Mother’s Day. Or talk about “the glow” or even how well-behaved her children are. If there are none handy, say it to any woman. Mom, sister, aunt, cousin, or your Wal-Mart cashier. It really doesn’t matter. It will totally make her day. And from this fat, frumpy, tired, pregnant mama to each of you, have a very Happy Mother’s Day!

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